My sister and I were walking through town one day and we bumped into our cousin, we don’t see her often and hadn’t seen for a few months so we were all ‘Hi! Hi! How are you?? What’s happening??’ ….she lives a bit away and is married with two kids, she says to us ‘Oh I’m pregnant again’….in a disastrous split second analysation of the situation, based on her tone of voice & body language somehow, SOMEHOW, I conclude that this is not a good thing and before my lovely sister can say congratulations….I go ‘Oh no, poor you’ with this real unfortunate face and then watch myself in an out of body experience, reach forward and rub her arm sympathetically!!!!!! Ah…hahaha….oh dear SO embarrassing, she sort of went with it and was like ‘Yeah, I know’ but what the hell…she was NOT unhappy about being pregnant or having her baby! I should not be allowed near people. O_O
Tanya – Belfast
Late one afternoon a young guy and girl came in for their appointment, he was getting his leg done under her command with roman numerals, MASSIVE roman numerals circling right around the top of his calf. She was sitting chatting away with her friend and he was in the middle of his tattoo when I dandered over. She’d just told a story about how they met, and that the roman numerals were the date of when they first started going out, suddenly I worked out that the roman numeral date was ONLY about five months prior to the day we were on. With no mission to stop my mouth before engaging it I blurted out, “Wow! Five months – you didn’t waste anytime getting him branded…..” She just looked at me. There was nothing, just an icy stare. I was like, “I mean, ummm, that’s …..like, so sweet….that you guys are like ummm….so sure of yourselves that you’re getting that ….tattooed, so huge, right around his leg, really big……nice.” :D
I was a few months into my tattoo apprenticeship and a guy came in to get his arm touched up, I’m not into body modification or piercing or anything I just love art and tattoos so he pulled up his sleeve and he had this huge lumpy growth thing under the skin on his forearm…. I had been reading about dermal implants earlier and for some reason thought that that’s what this was so I started talking about it and he was like ‘No, no it’s dead veins that have swollen in my arm’ subject closed? No, I proceed to start quizzing him on them, can you tattoo over them? He’s like, no they’re sore even to touch…..can you get rid of them?….no there’s no treatment apart from injecting acid which could burn through my skin…..how did you get them? He’s like oh I hurt my arm in training …..but for some reason every time he answered I would say ‘Wow, cool’ even though it was so not cool it wasn’t even funny….then to top it off to try and make amends for all my stupidity I say….wow well, it looks cool, like you’ve got a gun under there, you’re like cyborg vein guy! Kapow Kapow….:D he was so nice he just politely laughed and I found something really important I had to do somewhere away from his chair…..
Years ago, I went out to eat with my parents, my husband, brother-in-law and sister. I don’t remember the occasion, but the experience is forever branded in my mind. The waitress came to our table and did her schpeal about the lunch special and “what would we like to drink?” One of her “flair” pieces was a pink ribbon. My dad noticed this and started talking about cancer in general. Always one to make a point to be politically incorrect my dad said jokingly, “Well, some people just have it coming.” A funny expression crossed the waitress’s face and she told us that her aunt had just died of breast cancer. Not to mention the fact that my brother-in-law’s father had just died of cancer earlier that year, after a long and terrible ordeal. Oh, Dad.
Liz – VT
I worked in a drug rehab center for teenagers. I was new and only 21 years old, so it was a constant battle in the beginning to establish myself as someone to be obeyed. I had begun cracking down on bad behavior. One of our policies was that the patients could not have caffeinated coffee. I saw a girl at the coffee machine, and I knew she was getting the real stuff. I had finally caught her! She was a constant nuisance to me and the rest of the staff, and she was very sneaky. I, Micah, had caught her in the act. I yelled across the cafeteria, “Elaine! Put that back! I saw you get the regular coffee!” “I didn’t…” she began, but I cut her off. “Yes, you did. I watched you. Now, put it back!” “It’s decaf.” Then I remembered. The orange one was decaf, and I was an idiot who had just lost more authority in those sneaky little teenage minds.
micah the admin
It was one of my first thanksgivings with my family in New Hampshire. I didn’t really know anyone, but I was trying to get to know people. Now, when I talk to someone, I really hate repeating myself. It’s just annoying to me. I can’t remember the topic but I was trying to tell one of the guests something. She just kept asking me “what?” or “huh?” I’m generally okay with a repeat once, but five or six times, I’ll just walk away. I was trying to be polite but I couldn’t take it anymore. I asked, “What, are you deaf?” Thankfully, she didn’t hear that because later I was pulled aside and was told quietly, “She IS really deaf –just thought you should know.” Oops.
Carl – NH
I was taking a long drive with a few friends. We stopped at a gas station for drinks and bathroom. While we were getting back into the car my friend and I were rough housing. A girl behind us said, “You guys are gonna die!” This girl had just told us the day before that her mother had died through tragic circumstances. My friend replied quickly with an age old joke. “Your mom’s gonna die!” I didn’t see his face. I wish I had. Instead, I tried to top him. I said, “Yeah! She’s already dead, and rigor mortis is setting in!” Immediately I remembered about her mom and saw my friend’s face. He was terrified. I looked away from her as fast as possible, put my headphones on and avoided eye contact with her for the rest of the trip. I felt like a monster, and I still don’t like thinking about it.
David – TN
I stopped at a gas station with two friends to get some coffee. While we were getting creamer and lids this dirty guy walked in. Both of my friends knew the guy but didn’t bother to introduce me. My jaw dropped as I watched this guy get his coffee. He was loud and laughing about non-interesting stuff. As he poured his coffee it sloshed all over the counter and some on the floor. He didn’t clean it up. He poured cream, it sloshed on the counter. He added sugar, it spilled on the counter and the floor. Then as he took the cup away it spilled a little more. He left in the same loud huff. I was not used to this. When we got into the car the first words out of my mouth were, “Who was that jerk?” My friend, who was driving, turned and said, “That is my brother.” I didn’t even try to recover.
Micah the Admin
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I was always very awkward socially, so many of my interactions with peers were, well… awkward. I remember riding home with a group of girls after some school function (I was about 12), and there was an older girl who I didn’t know very well. To make conversation, I said, “I can’t wait to see where you live. My brother says you live in a tar paper shack, but I’m sure you live in a really nice house.” As we pulled up to her home, I realized my brother wasn’t joking. And that was awkward – especially for that poor girl!
Laurel – NH
During a summer break in high school, I took a trip with some friends. While we were in the airport waiting to board our flight, a couple of my friends started picking on me and another kid for being so white and pale. Both of us happened to be the type of people who couldn’t ever get a tan, no matter how hard we tried. I was pretty touchy about this feature of mine, so I tried to say something that would boost my self-confidence and make it look like I wasn’t bothered by them pointing out how pasty I was. I raised my fist high in the air and yelled out the first thing that came to mind,”White people rule!” As soon as I said it, I knew it was a poor choice of words. I also realized that several people at the gate had heard my exclamation and were now staring at me. I wanted to die. What was meant to be a quick comeback made me look like a racist jerk.
Emily – CA
I was window shopping in a crowded downtown a few days after Christmas with one of my girlfriends. The streets were still decorated with Christmas lights and wreaths, everyone was in a good mood because of the sales, and there was snow on the ground. Suddenly I saw what I thought at first must be a mirage: It was a tiny old man, smaller than most midgets. He had a long gray beard that flowed over his round belly, and–get this–he was wearing a green and red jogging suit with matching red earmuffs. Even though I was 29 and had been raised without believing in Santa, for one magical moment I was convinced he was one of Santa’s elves on vacation after the busy Christmas season. I pointed, loudly crying “Look! An elf!” before starting down the street after him. The tiny man took one terrified look at me and bolted across the street, disappearing into a crowd of shoppers. Everyone was looking at me like I was absolutely nuts, and my friend was embarrassed. I felt really bad for frightening the poor guy, but I still maintain that if you are tiny and look like an elf, you really have no business deceiving the childlike at heart by wearing red and green around the holidays.
Rachel – NH
This story takes place a few years ago, when I was attending university.
Me and my friend had just had our lunchbreak. On our way to the next class, we were going down a long hallway. In the distance appeared a girl we both knew. She was accompanied by a small person. In my spontaneity I bursted out: “Susan, I didn’t know you were a mother!” As we got closer to them, my smile turned into a grimace. The little person was not a kid, but a midget. “What did you say?” was Susans response. I didn’t respond. I didn’t look at them either. As fast as I could, I passed them. My friend laughed till he cried. It took me a while to join him.
Martijn – Holland
In high school I was very quick to talk and slow to think. Once, I was riding in a car with friends, and we started talking about adoptions. I came up with the not-so-brilliant idea that adopted children could never have the same level of relationship with their parents as biological children. I said this with full confidence and began to argue with my friends. One girl, Megan, was especially fierce in her argument with me. I repeated my points and supporting ideas, talking louder and faster. And then it happened. Megan said, “Micah, I’m adopted!” Then we went silent. And yes, it was an awkward silence. A man with a theory is always at the mercy of a man with an experience.
I was wrong.
This unfolded at a high school trades school in South Carolina. A pretty good friend of mine had recently tried to harm herself with taking too many pills. She survived the attempt. A week or so goes by and me and my friend were hanging out in a break period between classes. She was complaining of a severe headache. A little context – we are in pre-nursing classes. So I’m thinking medication safety. I put my huge metatarsals in my la boca… translation… foot in mouth. I truly didn’t mean to say what I was about to say. Sincerely, I said, “Take a tylenol, but don’t take too many.” Her face turned bright red. She turned away from me, and to this day I have not talked with her. I could have killed myself… I mean. Nah… I really regret losing a good friend.
Nat Hans – TX
Long, long ago, some time in elementary school, I was walking home from school with my friend Rachel Smith and her older brothers. It was back in the day when it was popular to trick people by pointing at something and then immediately saying “made you look!” after they looked to see what you were pointing at. That day, I decided to impress everyone with my wit and charm by pulling this clever trick on them. I decided that I was going to point at the next car that drove by us and say “Hey, that’s Bob Jones!” (a man who went to our church and was a close friend to the Smith family). As soon as the next car drove by I mistakenly yelled out “Hey, that’s Bob Smith! Made you look!” No one was laughing, and then my heart sank. I realized that not only had I said the wrong name, I said the name of their dad who had passed away just the year before!
Emily – Los Angeles, CA
